GF Fanatics
by Lee Silverwing
Summary: A GF version of Fanatics (duh) so hows about a little r&r?
1. the Brothers

# GF Fanatics: the Brothers

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Disclaimer:I don't own MTV, 'kay? Ask Mariye, maybe she does now^-^. Nor do I own FF8's GFs. Caphishe?

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[Outside a normal-looking house. Whitewolf is standing by the driveway, a big stupid grin plastered on his face.]

Whitewolf: Hello, folks! It's now official! I'm Mariye's replacement for the hosting of Fanatics! Lessee…oh yeah. Before all things, a few announcements. [holds up a poster] First, we are looking for these two people. If you see this short guy with spiky hair, please immediately call Garden. If you see this mean-looking guy with the scar, please call, fax, e-mail, or whatever Ms. Satsuki Yatouii, Ms. Sariss Almasy, and/or Ms. Butterfly [rolls up poster]. All are currently holding 2-million gil rewards. Second, there is a vacancy in the position of co-host. Applicants, please email me for more details. Okay, we're ready. Our first interviewer is Ellone Leonhart-Loire, formally known as Sefie Tilmitt. Let's go tell her, shall we? [enters]

[Inside. Ellone is busy posting something in the FF.net forums, eyebrows furrowed. Whitewolf takes a chair and sits beside her.]

Ellone: Whaddya mean Error Processing Data!? I've been trying to post this for 2 days now! @#$%&!

Whitewolf: …Uh, Ellone…

Ellone: [snaps] Who are you!? Whaddya want!?

Whitewolf: …I'm Whitewolf. Didn't you want to interview the Brothers…? They're free right now so I was wondering if you'd like to, you know, start…

Ellone: What!? Oh, sorry. Sure! Let's go.

Whitewolf: …Okay.

[Both exit.]

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First Impressions

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Ellone: Wow. I've always wanted to meet the Brothers. Too bad Tonberry's taken. I wonder how Wolf got them out of the game?

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Sacred: NEVER KNEW PEOPLE LIKED US. 

Minotaur: yeah. let's go meet her.

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[Ellone's front porch. Sacred and Minotaur are sitting on the grass. Passer-bys keep staring at the brothers. Ellone is whistling while arranging a few pieces of paper. Whitewolf pops out.]

Whitewolf: Hey, Ellone. You have your questions, right?

Ellone: Yup!

Whitewolf: Good. You can start. I'll leave you guys now. It's almost Buffy the Vampire Slayer! [goes inside] Call me when you're through! Buffy, Buffy, Buffy…

Ellone: [sweatdrops and turns to the Brothers] Good afternoon, Mr. Sacred, Mr. Minotaur.

Sacred: YO.

Minotaur: ditto.

Ellone: Shall we begin? First question. How exactly did you two end up living in the Tomb of the Unknown King in the first place?

Minotaur: we kinda got lost in our first visit. I swear ta Hyne, maps those days weren't maps at all. they just had pictures, no pointers. that tomb was **much bigger before…wonder how it shrunk?**

Ellone: Okayyyy…So, what was your purpose in living in the Tomb of the Unknown King? 

Sacred: COULDN'T GET OUT. WHAT ELSE COULD WE DO? THAT "ETERNALLY SLEEPING" KING SNORES LOUD ENOUGH TO WAKE THE DEAD. YOU HAVE TO STOMP ON HIS COFFIN A FEW TIMES TO SHUT HIM UP.

Ellone: So that's why Squall and the others found you guys on top of the King…Like, next question. Which of you guys is the brains and which one's the brawns?

Minotaur: it's quite obvious, I believe.

Ellone: Yeah, you're right. Sacred, how'd you end up bigger and stronger than your brother?

Sacred: MINOTAUR?

Ellone: Yes, Minotaur. You only have one brother.

Sacred: I DON'T KNOW REALLY. MUST BE THE HORMONES.

Ellone: Oh. Minotaur, do you get picked on often since you're awfully puny?

Minotaur: I am not puny! i just didn't eat my greens! no, I don't get picked on often 'cuz Sacred beats the crap out of anyone who even says the word 'small' to me.

Ellone: Uh yeah. Anyways, what's the secret of your brotherly love? How did you come up with such a powerful move?

Minotaur: GFs never give out their attack's origins. please remember that.

Ellone: Sorry. Didn't know that. 

Sacred: IT'S OKAY.

Ellone: [smiles] You two are good examples of what 'real' siblings should be. Any advice?

Minotaur: be nice to your little sisters or brothers, especially when they're bigger than you.

Ellone: Cool. May I ask you one last thing?

Sacred: SURE.

Ellone: Wanna play Rock-Paper-Scissors with me?

Minotaur: 'Kay. [starts tapping closed fist on open palm] Rock-paper…

Ellone: [does the same] Rock-paper…

Both: SCISSORS! 

[Ellone puts out scissors. Minotaur puts out paper.]

Ellone: Yes!

Minotaur: Ah shoot. It's okay, though.

Ellone: Thanks for your time, Sacred, Minotaur. Maybe I'll see you some other time?

Sacred: COOL.

Minotaur: yeah. bye.

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Afterthoughts

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Ellone: GFs are cool! Wish I could have had Tonberry, though.

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Sacred: I LOVE FANS.

Minotaur: ditto!

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[The Brothers leave. Ellone enters her house and sees Whitewolf on the couch, drooling at Buffy.]

Whitewolf: Buffy, Buffy, Buffy…

Ellone: Uh, Whitewolf? We're finished.

Whitewolf: [snaps out of his trance] Yeah? You're through? [turns back to the TV] What!? Buffy's over? Oh…[faces Ellone again] So, how was it?

Ellone: It was great! 

Whitewolf: [looks at his watch] Awww…I gotta go now, Elle. Bye.

Ellone: Bye! 

[Whitewolf exits the house and faces the cameras.]

Whitewolf: Well…

[Seifer comes running up the sidewalk.]

Seifer: *huff* 

Whitewolf: Yes, Seifer?

Seifer: [grabs Whitewolf's collar] Where's my gunblade!?

Whitewolf: Don't you remember? I gave it to Sariss. You'll just have to get it from her yourself. So anyways…

[Footsteps are heard approaching. Satsuki and Butterfly are trying to outrun each other towards Seifer, their eyes the shapes of hearts.]

Satsuki: I've looked everywhere for you, sweetie! Where'd you be…..eek! 

[Butterfly trips Satsuki.]

Butterfly: [sticks out her tongue] Serves you right! He's MINE! He said so himself!

Whitewolf: [whispers to Seifer] You better run while they're still arguing. Hate you as I do, I do not want to see you naked. In my show even. 

Seifer: [gulps and starts running]

[Butterfly and Satsuki stops arguing and goes after Seifer. Whitewolf sighs.]

Whitewolf: So anyways, thanks for watching GF Fanatics! See you next time for Shiva! 


	2. Shiva

GF Fanatics: Shiva

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Disclaimer: Ya all know the drill.

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[Scene: An airport in snowy Alaska. Whitewolf, wearing a fur parka, is sitting in the Waiting Area with Shard, the same stupid grin on his face.]

Whitewolf: Hello again and welcome to GF Fanatics. As you already know, I'm Whitewolf. We're here today in Nome's international airport for a very special person. Ms. Butterfly, one of the three most renowned Seifer Hunters, will be coming to meet the ice queen, Shiva. Not only that, with her around, Seifer ain't gonna have the gall, bile, or whatever gross stuff there is in the digestive system to come and ruin my show! So, anyways, a stewardess said that her flight's to arrive in 10 minutes. And yeah, this guy beside me is my all-round partner, Shard. Say hello, Shard.

Shard: Rrr…awr!

Whitewolf: [beams proudly] He's an extremely rare Alaskan White-backed Husky!

Shard: Rrr…

Whitewolf: [whispers] Actually, he's a stray wolf cub (that ain't a cub no more) I found outside my house. I only used the 'Alaskan White-backed Husky' thing so I could get him out of the state. Right, buddy?

Shard: Rrr…awr!

Whitewolf: [looks at watch] God, is her flight late? Say, miss! [motions a nearby flight attendant over] When's Flight 225 landing?

F. A.: At 3:00 PM, sir.

Whitewolf: What!? 

F. A.: [slightly annoyed] I said it's arriving at 3:00 PM, sir.

Whitewolf: Sh*t! The other attendant said it was at 2! What am I supposed to do for an hour!?

F. A.: [snaps] How am I supposed to know, sir!? Just visit the cafeteria or something! [leaves]

Whitewolf: …Meanie. [faces cameras] We'll have to edit that part out. So, anyways, we have to wait for Butterfly…Put the cameras on standby for 1 hour…

[An hour later…the cameras resumes taping.]

Shard: [asleep] Zzzz…

Whitewolf: [mumbles while nodding head] Mariye's Host Rules #1: A host is always happy, no matter what. Mariye's Host Rules #2: A host does not fall asleep on his job, especially when the cameras are rolling. Mariye's Host Rules #3: A host does not com-

Flight Attendant: [over speakers] Flight 225, unloading at Gate 43. Flight 225, unloading at Gate 43.

Whitewolf: [snaps awake] Finally! I forgot what Mariye's Host Rules #3 was! [prods Shard] C'mon, boy. [gets up and walks to Gate Barrier 43]

[Gate Barrier 43. Butterfly passes through the metal detector. It bleeps.]

Guy: Okay, missy, what's in the bag?

Butterfly: Uh, nothing! 

Guy: [skeptical look] Search her!

[They find a net launcher, a tranquilizer gun, a packet of thumbscrews, a roll of duct tape, and rope. They look at her. Butterfly smiles nervously.]

Butterfly: Uh, they're for a friend?

Guy: Take her to the station!

[Whitewolf arrives.]

Butterfly: Whitewolf, help me! They're gonna bring me to the police station!

Whitewolf: What? What did you do this time? [to the guy] What's wrong, officer?

Guy: This here girl's got guns.

Whitewolf: And what is wrong with guns?

Guy: She might be a criminal.

[Whitewolf gets close to the guy and hands him a hundred.]

Whitewolf: [whispers] Here's for your troubles, mac.

Guy: [shocked but accepts] … [to other guys] Okay, fellows! She's clear!

[They release Butterfly and leave.]

Butterfly: [to Whitewolf] Thanks a lot. Now shall we go?

Whitewolf: Not so fast. You owe me a hundred.

Butterfly: [sweatdrops] I'll give you later.

[Outside. They get on the dogsled with Shard as lead dog, er, wolf.]

[Hotel. Whitewolf brings Butterfly to the kitchens' freezer.]

Butterfly: Uh, what are we doing here?

Whitewolf: [opens door] Shiva's inside. Now get in!

Butterfly: [whiny voice] What if I get frostbite? It's cold as it is out here!

Whitewolf: What do you want, frostbite or a rabies shot? [points to Shard]

Butterfly: [grumbles and enters]

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First impressions

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Butterfly: If I get frostbite, I'll kill that Whitewolf…

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Shiva: I love adoring fans! Eat your heart out, Siren! I'm way cooler than you!

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[Inside. Shiva is sitting on top of a block of ice. Butterfly gets out her balaclava, folds it and sits on it.]

Butterfly: [teeth chattering] He-he-hello, Shiva. Shall we st-st-start?

Shiva: Sure!

Butterfly: H-how d-does it feel t-to be pi-picked for Fi-final Fa-fantasy VII and VIII?

Shiva: It's so flattering. But you must know, I've also been chosen for FF6 and Tactics. Some games even have rip-offs of me, but of course, nothing is better than the real thing, right?

Butterfly: Y-yeah. O-okay, with w-who do y-you g-get along the m-most a-a-and w-why?

Shiva: GFs or the characters?

Butterfly: G-GFs, please.

Shiva: [thinks] Quezacotl. He and I are always together in Leonhart's brain. 

Butterfly: [sniffle] So, d-don't y-you f-freeze your l-little be-behind w-when y-you c-come out of t-that ch-chunk of i-ice?

Shiva: Of course not! I'm very much the ice queen so the cold doesn't bother little-ol' me.

Butterfly: W-who do y-you th-think is t-the cu-cutest g-guy from Fi-final Fa-fantasy VIII?

Shiva: [blushes] I like Mr. Almasy a lot. When he junctioned me in Dollet, I thought I was in heaven…

Butterfly: [sputters] S-s-s-seifer!?

Shiva: Yes…[sighs]

[Butterfly's eyes grow fires and melts all the ice in the freezer.]

Butterfly: SEIFER IS MINE, YOU ICE HUSSY!!!

Shiva: Ice hussy? Why I never! [leaves]

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Afterthoughts will be cancelled since both were too upset to say anything. Thank you for your consideration.

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[Lobby. Butterfly comes out panting. Whitewolf raises an eyebrow.]

Whitewolf: It didn't work out well, did it?

Butterfly: [steams and mumbles] Stupid ice hussy…

Whitewolf: …So, you want a cup of hot coco?

[Seifer suddenly comes sprinting through the doors, carrying Hyperion.]

Seifer: MWAHAHA!!! I finally have Hyperion! You, [points at Whitewolf] DIE!

[Seifer charges but Whitewolf side-steps. Seifer hits the freezer door. Butterfly's anger disappears as she grabs Seifer by the coat, forgetting about his secret from Fanatics: Seifer Returns.]

Butterfly: Baby, you're mine! Neither Satsuki nor Sariss will ever take you away from me!

Seifer: Gagh! [slips out of his coat and runs out of the hotel, dropping Hyperion]

Butterfly: [looks at her prize and swoons] Heaven…

Whitewolf: [grins evilly] It's below zero out there. We'll just see what he looks like after an hour, right Butterfly?

Butterfly: [nods absentmindedly as she hugs Seifer's coat] 

Whitewolf: So, anyways, tune in next time for Siren! Hey, he dropped Hyperion. Guess I'll have Sariss give it back to him on her Fanatics…


End file.
